hole in one...

Well, when I got home today, I checked my email and was pleasantly surprised to hear from the wife of a patient that i was privileged enough to assist in the care of at the VA. It was highly touching not only to receive the email, but to read its contents absolutely just made my day!... This kind of result / thanks really makes it all worthwhile. I can't say enough about the two of them as they were absolutely wonderful while 'J' was in the hospital.

I hope I have the right email address....if not would you please forward it back. J's path came back good news. What a relief! He also is back on the golf course and hit a hole in one yesterday. He was thrilled.....bought a round or so......and came home to find out if I could find you to tell.

Hope you are doing well in your new assignment. I can't begin to tell you how much your presence meant to both of us during J's surgery and pre surgery. You were a real rock when I for one was feeling really shaky . We both wish you the very best in your medical career and if you ever need a cheering section let us know.

Attached is a picture of a picture that was taken while my bro Levi and myself were 'assisting' in the excision of J's medial compartment of his right thigh for a sarcomatoid mass. It am truly grateful to Mr. and Mrs. J and hope to hear more from them in the future as far as such updates go. As far as this doctoring thing goes, it has its good times and bad... its ups and downs... but it is these moments that make me want to get up early in the morning and treat each day as if i may touch someone in a similar fashion as mr. and mrs. J.

Not much to say as the letter speaks for itself. Perhaps one day i too may be able to accomplish the elusive hole in one!... but for now, i'll keep dreamin of it and leave it up to mr. J.

Love to all,
~gm2

beat...

turbulent flow
from a laminar state
circles to go
not a minute to late
centrifugal tides
life needs and abides
the furnace, the fire
moved by desire
pushing a medium
bringing life... exuding freedom

four chests of treasure
locking in life's crimson jewels
money cannot measure
what makes people fools
arising to Cerberus' gate
in a rhythmically monotone rate
as part of Charon's mix
in the human red river Styx
where trabecular tributaries converge
and as one all emerge

now set to freedom
but its only an illusion
no escaping the kingdom
of tubed lines, red run within
where is one free?
where does one flee?
Out
About
to the periphery
where one can feel but not see

the beat of a drum
flaps against a finger
crescendo, decrescendo,
doesn't stay, doesn't linger
a duty to complete
life giving need to self-deplete
a small scale stock exchange
to particularly rearrange
a nihilistic cable car moves
now empty, rides in the grooves

the slow return home
drawn to a common place
a great depression drone
no excitement to embrace
drifting along
melancholy song
return to the core
forevermore
where the end is the start
of the beating heart.


love to all,
gm2

not so sure...

interval times... wow, it sure has been a minute since i have posted on my little bloggish thing... [bloggish... hmmm i like new words] in fact i think i almost forgot i had one.
i will have to do a progression of updates since i last blogged on here, not sure if that will transpire today or not. currently its my last day of my ent rotation before i head over 2 another service... a service among services... hopefully it wont dull or put me to sleep like it does with everyone that the service touches... i.e. anesthesia. i m looking 4 ward to having a rotation that gets me in or of course and one that hopefully will get my derriere in gear to study for step 3.
of course most recently i went home to wi last weekend and had such a blast getting back together with the fam... it was fun learning to play guitar hero [cleared a few songs on medium my first time around... def. nothing to brag about as i watched my lil sis take me to school on that fascade of a guitar!], watched a couple movies, had some great food and tried to enjoy some outdoor activities... i can't wait 2 see the pics to say the least... it was very wholesome.
to add to the 'spending time with family theme', i shall b pursuing another family oriented weekend over in the mountains of smoke... i mean, the smokies... and not the 'i suck down cigarettes' kind of smoke, but the 'wake up to brisk cloud covered sunrise' kind of smokey... hopefully some wonderful weather shall be 'cast' down upon the land to which we will be partaking in outdoor activities, not 'splinting' our ability to enjoys it all... the climbing, hiking, rafting... etc
ahhh, i can't wait b/c i am soooo excited...
i'll have 2 do this more often... more to come more to come
love to all,
gm2

car wash...

well it seems to be a theme [however minor it may be] that i put a picture of the whip that i currently roll in. i thus follow suit to that which the past precludes. first the golf, then the tt and now... the grandest step up of them all... the van. such a luxury automobile... best in it's '97 class never outdone by another vehicle twice its age and half its power, 225,000 miles to the test barely wears thin old age packed with experience. why the frame on this van has withstood the test of time, a variety of driving abilities and extremes of hot and cold... however definitely mostly cold. the engine now quivers like a scared kitten in a hailstorm as the engine runs in the balmy kc weather. yep, this engine is most assuredly authoritative as it makes me obey its every command. in fact, it reminds me of that on a daily basis as it never starts on the first go around. as i turn the key to ignite the spark of life into this dragon mobile it declares nay and denies the life i so anxiously try to give it. start? wtf is start? the van defies as i am forced to ironically take a 'back seat' and succumb to its will. as it runs up in years and miles and down in energy it also accumulates the will to declare itself independent. well, if it wants to start on its own freakin time then i say it can drive itself [with me in the passenger seat of course] to my destination. boy wouldn't that be pleasant? well freakin hell it isn't. it's rickety steel innards seem to gravitate cold throughout. it is as if the engine runs as a refrigerator to the inside, making sure that the thermostat dare not encroach 50. for that threshold temperature begins to alleviate the chill of the outside. no, comfort is not a convenience afforded to me by the van... except however for the seats. the seats wrap around you as if to say 'hey, it's alright... relax... recline... sleep in my arms of furry comfort'. this is most assuredly splendid except for the fact that it is a car and one usually tries NOT to sleep while in a moving vehicle... at least most of the time. the inside with its multitude of shades of brown, reminiscent of a phrase such as: 'i'm trying to make a classic look in the late 90's' - type of color... drab and 'glib' [as my order writing abilities were once called by an attending when i was a medical student]. the brown that says no one will dear come near this car... this mobile feculent torpedo [slowest darn torpedo i've ever seen... ok so i guess i have never acctually seen any live and mobile torpedos... but nonetheless... slow and oddly shaped]. brown... the calming color of bark... the color that resembles that color seen after killing a deer, skinning it,beating and tanning its hide... on the underside of the fur. although my vehicle is not furry on the outside, it is furry within... cozy and snuggly if you will.
until recently this beast of a van... held together by the finest rust that snow and salt can produce... had not been cleansed from the soilent particulate matter that decorated its oxidized exterior. well, today [actually sunday] was the day, my friend where all this non-washing gets turned around... it was a glorious day where that ginormous flaming ball that traverses the blue sky decided to do a little energizing / melting action of the snow. streets were clear of being clean [i.e. dirty] and motivation was in the air. fed up with not being able to see clearly enough the myriad of imperfections that adorn my vehicle, i decided a cleansing was in order... a baptism to the minivan of sorts... at least as far as kc is concerned.
upon entering the car wash on on rainbow, it was apparent that i was not the only one with this epiphenous idea... i could not believe it... i mean, who else would actually think of washing your car on a nice day? it seemed novel to me at the time, but perhaps it was not so unique after all. thus, i entered the lengthy line that extended well down the block. the car was eventually cleaned... the whole time through which i actually began singing 'car wash' in my head... although appropriate i thoroughly annoyed myself and wished my head would at least get some variety in song because this was a long wait to sing one song over and over and over and over gain...
well, that being done did... the next course of events becomes all to predictable. you see, after i was my car, i become the weather man... able to predict either rain or snow within the next two days. well my minivan almanac held steadfast and true once again. as sure as the sun goes down... rain came the next day... and if that wasn't enough, snow came the day after that [i.e. today] and the temperature dropped a smidgebit... all which rained [and snowed] on my parade.
well, at least it good for a moment... which is why i share this memory... the memory of my clean car. for as much as i wish it to remain true... the clean car is only but a memory, to be strived for yet again another day... another very warm and toasty day [without rain in the forecast]...
to those who read this...
love you all!,
g

stairway to heaven...

shredded... this is a word that likely and most adequately describes how my legs feel at this moment. today marks a new dawn into the world of g2 workouts... but first, let me start with a little background.
in the small rural town that i hail from far in the northern tundra of central wisconsin, there lack many things, however what exists there can be fully utilized to many advantages... going back... when i was in college, running for usc, i remember the first winter/christmas break when we were given workouts to do over this time period. i didn't think much of what the workouts were at the time, so i just grabbed the workout sheet and headed home. after looking thoroughly through the regimen laid out before me, juxtaposed to the weather laid out in front of my bitterly cold nose, i realized that such workouts were meant to be done in warmer climates... various sprints and tire pulls and things of that nature.
since these things were not available to me... but an ample amount of white snowy fluff was, improvisation was in order. i remember that instead of doing tire pulls i utilized my little sister, mur, instead.
that poor little girl. i hope that she thought it was fun because i remember having a blast.
what i wound up doing was attaching a sled to a rope and then tying that around my waist. arynn, of course, sat on the sled which took the place of the 'tire'. then i strapped into my boots and proceeded to pull her up the little hill of a street that my parents live on time and time again. she soon realized that it was much more enjoyable when she turned around so as to avoid the onslaught of snow kicked up into her face... it was like a nonstop facewash at first... like i said, poor little girl. nevertheless, what a wonderful memory to me that i hope never to forget.
anywho, while i was in the improvisation stage, i caught wind that one of the anesthesiologists at the hospital would run up and down the stairs in the back stairwell there at the hospital. since the hospital was pretty much the largest building in town, i figured that i could vary the stair workouts in the back stairwell to parallel the workouts i was supposed to accomplish. i think i ran more stairs that month that i had in my life... up and down in that clandestine location 3-4 days a week. heck, i remember kroll and i used to even run there on occasion. we would talk of 'jackrabbit legs' and things of that nature after such workouts. it was odd how we both wound up developing muscle twitches in our legs that seemed uncontrollable. it was a feeling like no other... brutally pleasureful!
this is the basis of my recent inspiration for doing something to shred my legs, so to speak... something that i have been missing since the days of williams-brice in sc. since i have always enjoyed running stairs, combined with a recent discovery [thanks to my fellow] as to the location of a stairwell fairly well 'under the radar' in ku's new heart hospital, the plans came together to go forth on an adventure in a stairway to workout heaven. with anticipation looming in my mind intermittently throughout the day, the moment finally came when i had a chance to leave work and head to that heavenly vertical corridor of miniature steps of altitude. so, there i was, peering at this stairwell, with a glimpse into the past in what hospital stairwells had done for me prior... to come to a clairvoyant state as to what this stairwell could do for me in shreddings yet to come...
shredded... as if this stairwell were the papershredder to my papyrus legs...
yep, 20 min up and down and up and down et cetera[roughly 155 steps up each time]... 11 times in total to be precise. i suppose now i have a base to build from and a new workout to try to improve upon. in the summer time i am not sure if this will do, however i tend to love it in the winter... far better than a stairmaster, which leaves me feeling somewhat static in the end. somehow... someway there emerges more of a feeling of accomplishment in that walled of concrete container of stacked sheer cliffs... 8 inches in height.
hopefully my panting and heavy breathing in this 'far off land' was far enough away so that it neither scared nor awoke the neighborhood. and i departed that little place in happyness... leaving my quads behind, to hopefully pick them up tomorrow lying were i left them... to be utilized again...
shredded...
hope all is well to those who read this,
love to all,
-g

costco...

hello again little blog of mine... it's me, garry.
well, happy mlkjr day to all! just thought i would throw that little bit of holiday cheer to all that are celebrating this day...
not too much going on here my way, but i did get a chance to experience the joys of something so great and grand this weekend that i just had to share with those that care to read...
as i was finishing up with work on sunday [and after hitting the gym for a bit] i found myself pondering what i should do about my weekly grocery shopping. in that i wondered where i should go this time... what place of culinary grocer delight should i indulge the commerce of my bank account... it is a question that i ask myself every saturday or sunday; my typical shopping days [for groceries], however this sunday i delved into the question a little deeper... a little harder than usual. i say that because typically i will succumb to the likes of a typical target [i love that store] or the sunfresh market most of the time with the occasional outlying place. well, with inspiration and desire to see what else this city host that i have not tapped, i found myself driving towards a location that i had only been but once before. it is a grand place full of mass quantities of staple foods and items brought to me... the consumer... and a markedly reduced price! can you believe that? well, swayed by the corporate advertising world and by the constant dedication to that place by a close friend... i figured that i would step into the giant that is costco.
after obtaining my membership at this mega store of stores, i quickly found my cart full of a multitude of items at obvious prices that i couldn't refuse. i took a trek... yes, definitely a trek of treks around all that is costco. there were no aisles left out of the territory of my shopping cart... no aisle was safe from my roaming cart with 3 functioning wheels. as i laid the land with my cart, my eyes were opened to all that costco is and can be. it was truly glorious! upon checkout after filling my cart with more that i probably needed [which seems like costco by definition] i was pleased with this new membership and recently obtained card with a ridiculous picture of me. i realized that small black and white pictures placed onto a plastic card with highly minimized pixelation is not the picture to show teeth on when you smile. i guess that would just be something that you would have to see... as least as far as it goes for me, no one else ever will!
i would just leave this story right here, but this is not where it ends. i drove away from costco to seek out a couple other places where i needed to make some purchases. upon arriving at other such places, i found that i was without that which keeps my hands warm... yep, my gloves. i quickly realize that costco had taken them from me... had kept them as ransom to get me to go back for more.
being week in the mind and heart, i was bent back costco's way... to costco i was drawn yet again. as i entered i heard the call of the aisles calling me to peruse them yet again... as if they needed my presence and being to relieve them of the items they contained. well, i held strong to these swaying temptations and found the place where i left my gloves, grabbed them tight and fled the building... only to one day return i am sure. perhaps a week or two, when i shall again come face to face with all that is costco... and satisfied i am for the time being... satisfied i am.
well, anywho, off to try to hit some books harder than they have been hitting me lately!
i love you all,
g

sunrise...

whether creatures of the day or the night there is just something about the sunshine that is awe-inspiring and fills the human spirit with warmth, hope and consistency. the sun is always there... as sure as the sunrise... predictable and pivotal. an inanimate object 93 million miles away impacts billions and billions of lives with a mere portion of it's potential. for all the energy the sun releases [imagine tracing a sphere around the sun at the distance which our planet rotates... and we are just a miniscule fraction of the surface area of that sphere] we experience a minute amount of what is released.
i think sometimes the human condition can be similar... in the lives that we lead and the days that go by, we experience variable moments of time with individuals, perhaps never encountering that person again, perhaps so. if not, then, for that moment, that person is given a snippet of insight into the person we are by the impression we leave... a minor fraction of the potential that we can release, whatever that may be. if the act, deed, attitude or encounter is of a positive nature and pleasing then we assume that individual is of a similar nature throughout based on that infinitesimal experience. if, however, that portion is opposite of the aforementioned, then an entirely different picture is drawn. from the stranger on the street, to the closest of friends it is important to leave the mark that is representative of the whole... a signature... a personality stamp that imprints and impacts others in an open light to let them know what it is you represent. sunshine that brightens the day, like a smile that brightens others around... predictable and consistent... representative of something that you can count on, ever present and ever around...
as sure as the sunrise.
well, there i go again... rambling about random thought that pop up during the course of my day. thought that i would share one of the most beautiful sunrises i have ever seen. although the picture doesn't do it justice, it is a picture of the sunrise on this past christmas morn. it was angelic and breathtaking... a beautiful sight to see.
anywho... days go by and my current rotation pumps away the days, ready for a full day tomorrow... as wed and fri are block o.r. days, tomorrow has the potential to go the distance. we'll see! hopefully standing around won't be too too terrible. the crossfitting that i have done recently has left my little derriere a smidgebit on the sore side. it feels as if i am wearing a plastic fitted butt-cup. and with each step i try to take, that plastic mold encompassing my tush won't give, and i fight to soften that lower body prison to give way to more limberly flexible movements. nevertheless, i will continue to relentlessly persist... because, to tell you the truth, i love that feeling. that feeling that says, yes, i have torn you to pieces you muscles of mine. i have gone and thrashed your little myosin fibers apart and you will succumb to the weighs of weight. yes, soreness is the mark of some good workouts. variability and intensity marked with the occasional insanity. it sure feels good, not necessarily as you are going through it... but the repercussions from it is what makes it all worth it. why it feels good to be torn to pieces? perhaps a little masochistic pleasure, perhaps just a little physical pounding to alleviate the mental pounding. perhaps it is just the addiction from the endorphin release that gives you that natural high that can last for a few days, sparking a craving to return to ground 0 once again to launch yourself back into a routine that begins the process once again... anywho... a lot of words to say by ass is sore, i like it, had some good workouts.
there...i'll stop messing around and leave some more for a later date...
love to all,
g

what's in a name...

when thinking about the day, i just had to add another little blog post regarding one of the day's events. it involves one of the physicians at our institution and myself.
to give a little background, the character... oh lets call him curly. well, curly likes to call everyone 'guy'. he just throws it in there as if he doesn't remember your name [but oh he so very much does]. guy this guy that... with similar usage and context as dude, bro, man, buddy, et cetera. well, in the OR today, my curiosity got the best of me [as it does more often than not] so i decided to enquire as to why he calls people guy... i.e. where does the pertinacious use of this word stem from? well, the answer / response i got was not one that i was expecting. he stated that he didn't know... he has just used it... and then he asked if it offended me. well, needless to say this was not the case as there was no offense existing in the perimeter of garry... not was there a defense shield up... it was strictly a neutral zone [so to speak]. anywho, i said no to the offense question, and he then decided that it may be pertinent to come up with a different name for me. i believe he chose dude, when i came back and responded with the 'what about sport'?...
then next naming words that were given in my general direction were not at all what i was expecting. i was blindsided with the reply of... ' how about OLD SACK? '. yep, old sack. i was a little shocked, so i said sure, why not... just playing along.
sure as the sun, i was then referred to as 'old sack' for pretty much the remainder of the case... i wonder if this dubbing the the sack of old is something that will stick, like a sack on a stick. i have been given some doosies in the past, but this one definitely has to make the list with the likes of 'gassy martin' and such.... which is a story for another day. i need to do a little research as to the origin of this 'old sack' name. where does one come up with this? as of now i know not... but i am bound and determined to find out. or not really so much... because old sacks don't really care where their names originates... but rather where the dinner is and when the head will be embraced by a pillow yet again.
hope this brings a smile to y'all,
love to all,
g

cold...

well, this little blurb is about something that i have declared as of late... a recent epiphany, a dawning of a revelation, a brilliant conclusive solution to years of desires... or at least a simple thought that just nags at your mind like that piece of hair that sometimes brushes up against your nose and even when it is gone it's presence is still felt... and that thought lingers
this delusion of grandeur comes with the paramount thought that i am definitely moving somewhere warm after i graduate. this monumentally momentous idea came to me the other day while i was taking a short run outside. as my legs, via my shoes, caressed the terrain, and my skin sliced through the air, rescinded memories of runs gone by arose out of nowhere. thoughts of days now passed where i would go for midnight or 2 a.m. runs in the familiar winter air of the carolinas. the air always had a particular feel to me that i had grown to anticipate and embrace on the occasional night that, through my desires, i needed to spend some time with the road, become familiar with it and reunite with my old friend. this air felt familiar... mildly warm, semi-moist... not the bone-chilling, frigid tundra that it has felt like lately. it is curious how a sensation like that, the wind or the air feels, can give you such vividly clear reminiscent memories. well, these runs were a part of me, a part of me that, at that moment, i felt were a part of me that i did not want to be without.
i care not to feel as if someone shoved a iron rod drawn from liquid nitrogen in all orifices at once. shoot, it is bad enough getting your tongue stuck on mildly chilled spoon. when the weather speaks to you as if to say, 'WTF are YOU doing?... get back INSIDE sucker..." well, i don't like it when the weather talks to me in that tone of voice. bad weather... bad weather. yep, bad weather is right; or should i say oh so very wrong?
anywho, it has been decided that, be it the carolinas or california [since i am a coastal kid... or anything in between relatively suitable] that is where i think i want to be. i don't get the point of being miserable in the cold when you can enjoy the outdoors and warmth most days of the year. for those of you that know me, you know that i enjoy the outdoors as much as anything else, and this whole, having to workout indoors all the time, really frustrates me. not that i mind the lifting and workout out indoors... but i am also reminded of why i wanted to go to the carolinas in the first place... i am not a fan of winters... snow or not... not a fan of the cold. i enjoy the snow when it comes as it can be fun, but after a while i would like to do away with it and get back to the cozy hotness. that is why it makes sense for a place like carolina or cali to be on my mind, since they are so close to snow, but it is good for a day trip and can then be done away with at leisure.
i suppose i could go on and on with this topic, but alas, i choose to bid adieu now, and move my evening forth...
love to all,
g

cea...

well, it sure has been a good while since i have written on this blog... something that needs to change. and by change i do not, in fact, mean the jingle of pennies in my pocket... and why do i carry pennies? well, actually i don't. i tend to carry pens, carmex, moneyclip [which doubles as a usb jump drive -- which of course was purchased at the dot-in-a-circle... the tarjey...the target], etc... alas, i digress. i do find it to be a good release of my thoughts [outlandish and 'wtf'-obscure as they may on occasion be]...
let's see, what shall i ramble upon tonight. what can a just make a few notes about that makes not a lick of difference... ah, yes... it is something that happened to me at work this weekend and has continued through, basically, today.
it happened late last friday night. down in the e.d. with a consult on a patient. something that i have found to be somewhat adventuresome. as i got to the guy's room, i found myself immersed in conversation with him. not only was he informative, but interesting, well spoken, talkative and nice as well. after talking to him and stepping out of the room to discuss things with my superior. a little academic verbalization on the 'what's goings ons' and before i know it there is a policeman outside of the patient's room irked about the fact that his car is in the policeman's parking spot. now, this spot, mind you is not just one singular spot and from there it is like walking a mile through the desert with a camel on your back without water and scorpions crawling on your feet... there seemed to be a myriad of spots... without any other cars around... the car was sitting in the parking lot as if it were to say 'hey... somebody needs to be here and let the parking lot feel useful'. so, as he and his car were doing the parking lot a favor... this favor apparently tasted unfavorable to the law... you know that breakably indestructible thing that hovers about like like a faint mist that you can just taste the lingering residue of.
anywho. so there is car was, and the policeman... doing his job declared... not just stated in a nice manner, but seemed to speak as if he were making a declaration of his esteemed position beckoning down to his subjects that 'the car can't be parked there... there is a big sign'... well there are a lot of places with big signs that say such things... so have it moved. there was no way we were going to let our patient that we were going to admit out to his vehicle to move it... he was in no condition to do such a thing. and who can blame the guy who has an emergency and doesn't see that he is supposed to park downstairs from where he did? so move the car, right... free the space and abandon the parking lot, separating it from its only friend. well, if only it were so easy. apparently the policeman could not do such a thing... well, he could, but not on his own accord. he could, however, exercise his fingertips and have a tow-truck called to alleviate the parking lot clutter of the single vehicle. so, that was the solution... call a tow.
being that neither the policeman would help the guy out and no one else around seemed to be interested in freeing this guy from a needles loss of his vehicle, i decided that i would strip down [well, by that i mean i took my white coat off] and went into the guy's room and told him i would move his car for him. so, there you go. he gave me his key and out the front door i went after getting directions as to where the car could be placed and obtaining a tag for it to be 'legal'. perhaps everyone was just looking out for the guy's car in the long run. perhaps they really didn't want to see the car all lonesome in the lot there by itself and wanted it to have some friends... some other large hunks of metal and plastic to communicate with [kind of makes me think of the movie cars... or as if the parking lot is like the car 'hot spot'... the car 'club' if you will... it was social time and the guy's car was late... fashionably.
so, out the door and out to the car i go... and a nice one at that. it sure was a smooth ride down to it's bed for the weekend. i tucked it in and said good night... from me and from it's master and went back upstairs to leave directions as to where his baby was put down for the night.... and then back to work... back to the grind.
anywho, it was something fun and rewarding and he seemed grateful as he left the hospital today. i don't think it will by any time soon that i forget this individual. he is the kind of guy that definitely makes my job fun and easy... and something that i can look forward to... helping out however i can... no matter how small it may be.
and that is what i think is important, doing for others as you would have them do unto you... i know if i were in his shoes i would have appreciated someone lending a helping hand at my err. to err is human... and i am very human... and i end there as that is a topic for another rambling... another edition... to come soon, so stay tuned.
love to all,
g
btw, when i was out by his car i had to take a pic... couldn't help it...

7 y/o breaks pv wr for age... weighed down by large ballsack...

7 yr old w/ balls larger than my own...



-g

life...

to love and to save
to breath and to slave
while riding the wave
while o2 i crave

to be and to breathe
to know and to seize
while yearning for trees
while no one is pleased

to wake and to walk
to commence and to talk
while the powers balk
while blood leaves the stalk

to dream and to scream
to chillingly gleam
while rivers run upstream
while light loses its beam

to stop a thump
to strangle a bump
while cradleing a lump
while embracing a crump

to step back in time
to repeat this rhyme
while lifeless design
makes my mind slowly rewind...

the physics guy...

i thought this was in interesting little poem of sorts by Richard Feynman... thought i'd share:

There are the rushing waves
mountains of molecules
each stupidly minding its own business
trillions apart
yet forming white surf in unison.

Ages on ages
before any eyes could see
year after year
thunderously pounding the shore as now.
For whom, for what?
On a dead planet
with no life to entertain.

Never at rest
tortured by energy
wasted prodigiously by the sun
poured into space.

A mite makes the sea roar.
Deep in the sea
all molecules repeat
the patterns of another
till complex new ones are formed.

They make others like themselves
and a new dance starts.
Growing in size and complexity
living things
masses of atoms
DNA, protein
dancing a pattern ever more intricate.

Out of the cradle onto dry land
here it is standing:
atoms with consciousness;
matter with curiosity.
Stands at the sea, wondering: I
a universe of atoms
an atom in the universe.

"The Value of Science," address to the National Academy of Sciences (Autumn 1955)

athletics...

hello all,
i am trying to possibly develop some type of website regarding my philosophies on athletics, working out, nutrition, health and living... i might change the domain name but this is what i have whipped up so far:

Muscle Expansion

check it out... but there isn't much there yet...

love,
g

too long...

it's been some time since i have written on here... much to my dismay. recent discussions lead me to the realization that writing on this silly little page is an intellectual release for me that i need on occasion. i am not quite sure what it is... expressing my thought... letting my mind wander... puting form to the endless possibilities of wonderment and confusion that adorns my mind... well, some may say that not too much at all adorns this concrete cerebrum encases in my criscoesque cranium, so probably not. who knows what reasons may be lying beneath, but it mattes not... just that they are there nonetheless.

i never got a chance to thank everyone for all the wonderful birthday wishes! it was definitely a 'smile on my face' experience seeing all the greetings and happy birthdays... sure did make my day... which was filled with seeing patients in the breast clinic... woohoo! but alas, now no more breast for me... i have been getting the other end as i have been working nights in the er this month. it seems that i have seen a lot of ob and peds issues, doing things that i would rather care not to do, which reaffirms me that i made the right decision in choosing surgery... so far so good anyway.

well, 2 down, 12 to go, then i have roughly a week off before i begin my trauma month, which preceeds yet another month of breast. my life other than work has not been too terribly interesting, so not much to report on that front.

my thoughts feel linear now... no tangents overtake my conscious cloud of haze that lingers in the twilight hours. so to the books i declare myself prisoner... the absite... someday soon...

peace out for now,
love,
g

Kiss-[not so much]-able lips...

well it has been a few days now since a took a little tumble out on the basketball court... and it went a little something like this...
so james [match buddy] and i were playin' our usual game of one-on-one... b-ballin' it up like the horribly heinnous hoopsters that we are. the game was a little past mid-way [i believe it was our 4th or 5th game to 13] when james drove the basket for a layup. he came from the baseline after he took the ball past the three point line from my missed shot [typical] from the top of the key. as he drove the baseline i somehow got it in my head that i was going to block this shot and as i launched myself [i should try to be cautious using a word like 'launch' to describe my leaping abilities... perhaps vaulted... no, maybe propelled... still not quite right... perhaps leaped... maybe jeted [as in grand jete]... there ya' go]... so as i quazi-gran-jeted up to block the shot little did i realize that james ideed decided to do a running layup and thus clipped me in mid air. i got a bit jossled around and could not catch myself and landed face and then body... according to james he saw my head 'bounce' off the floor. well, lucky for me i did not loose consciousness, did not break my nose, neck or face, did not loose any teeth... and lucky i was in the mood to donate a small puddle of blood the the 'gym floor is too dry' fund.
james got me a towel and we walked into to ed. funny enough the only way either of us had ever been there was through the back way from getting consults and stuff... so that's the way we went... just strolled through asking where exactly we were supposed to go if we were indeed patients.
well, it went all right and i got sewn up by a wonderful nurse practicioner. i asked james if he wanted to do it and i was going to let him... but i think that he was worried that he would mess up on someone that he knows... and i thought that if he didn't do the best job it would be a constant reminder for him for the next 6 years of what not to do...
anywho... the NP offered me some vicodin for the pain... and i believe i told him something along the lines of 'fu@$ no... then i won't be able to operate tomorrow!'. so after leaving james went on home... and worried that i might not be totally ok, wound up crashing on my couch for the night.
alas, i got some sleep and had a nice full day in the OR the next day... took a few of the stitches out today and will take the rest out tomorrow...
off to beddie-by and until next time... love y'all
-g

tribute...

one
the solitude of singular existance within
implodes self doubt, from fiery fury and sin
emotions rage forth in disputable chagrin
manipulated alone as opposable foreskin
one
reuniting the self from pieces of dismay
each breath suffering a diaphragmatic relay
straggard struggle shot from the day
outer covering an unrecognizeable fray
one
not deserted; but in arid park
accompanied in dark
illumination from a spark
many
shine forth in distant glory
some with an unwritten story
many
unite outside in desert sun
supporting a single engine of man's son
smoothly oiled pistons pump and run
over 3665 miles; and it's just begun
all
come together to support, love and embrace
one

renewingable...

well... trying to update on the happings here in kc... hmmmm...
three works i suppose
work
working out
well... not entirely true, but that is what it feels like someitmes. i can't wait for the tour de france to be over, which will free up my nights. i have been a fan and watched it for about the past 10 years now. which brings me to one of the items on my 'checklist'... cycling.
it would be nice to get a starter road bike one of these days in attempts to begin training for some triathlons and such. when i moved here to kc, i checked out what they had available as far as the triathlon scene goes... and behold, they have, not only triathlons, but biathlons as well [sweet!]. this is exciting for me since i swim almost as well as a chicken towing an anvil... almost. nevertheless, my aquatic deficiencies aside, i think it would be a good sporting venue to get involved with. i suppose that i would then have to get my running mileage up as well as getting a bike and such. but, i have said in the past that once i hit 30ish [3.25 yrs away] i would probably do more endurance exercise than the ballistic things i do these days. i guess that the reason i still do those ballistic track-type exercises is because i am still seeing improvements in my speed, jumping ability, weight training... and so on.
anywho... thank you tour de france for giving me the anual motivation to sit my kiester on a narrow, barely-padded seat, hardly larger that the space between my cheeks... and sit upon that for mile after grueling mile in shorts that hug the lines of my upper legs as tightly as michael moore embraces big macs.
anywho... as far as that enduro-pursuit goes, i got my mileage up about a month ago, but have since lifted every day for the past 3 weeks or so. i hate that... i can't see to decide. it is like i wind up half-assing lifting and running because i desire to do both so bad, but don't have time to adequately pursue both.
anywho... my workout frustrations aside... and i am left to my 'list'.
i have also spent a little bit of time lately practicing on my unicycle... i say 'on'... but i most assuredly have spent most of my 'practice time' off of the darn thing. go figure....
let's see... what else on the 'list' have i been invlving myself with lately.
i have been practicing writing with my left hand... for some reason i desire to be able to write fluently with my left hand to the point that it would be almost indistinguishable from my right... i give myself a few years for this task as i am in no rush and it is almost a foolish pursuit of sorts anyhow.
what else... hmmmm...
there is so much... i think i just need to write this list down... but that would actually make me accountalbe for it... ahhhhh.
well... as far as other things going on... this past weekend/early this week i let my match-buddy james crash at my place while he was closing on his house. it looks like a hell of a starter house if you ask me... completely awesome.... more like a mansion really. congrats james... congrats...
and james and myself have been playing a good bit of basketball as well. the one on one has been challenging, but unfortunately for us, there seems to be a lack of interest in basketball or something at the fitness center as hardly anyone plays and we can't really find anyone for 2 on 2 even. i guess we'll just have to keep on keepin on with the mano y mano... but his jump shot is killer and i don't know if i can take much more! haha

so, anywho... i suppose this wasn't much of an update... i have stories... plenty of stories thus far, but i suppose i will either save stuff for a later date or tell anyone else who decides they want to know on a more individualistic bases.

anywho... have a wonderful splendidness,
love to all,
g

detracted distraction...

a fender-bender frame
a tarnished chain
dull-toothed gears
may never roll again
exhaled rubber loops
exhausted from the strain
barely noticable shape to still remain
patient
sitting silent
creaking no more
weightless under no load
molesting intimate miles with a scorching road
patient
no complaint
punishment in silent spoken stride
quiescent ride
scaling every mountainside
supported and tuned
day and night
restful fury
the beast now tamed with a matted metal rod
perched on the ground
used
for now
for good
for what

wenkebach...

for those of you that read these silly ramblings of a chaotic mind foating in the abyss of this etherial reality... i thougt that this was a pretty creative spoof of jt's 'sexy back'...
check it out...!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVxJJ2DBPiQ

love to all,
g

even better...

thank you mr. officer a-hole for the 160 ticket when all that was needed was a warning or a question regarding awareness or realization... that's right... i just got a $160 ticket for not having my head lights on at early dusk. f'in redic when i live in an area of town where there are multiple shootings each night, various kidnappings from within a mile that plaster the news each night, et cetera et cetera... glad to see where the man power is focused.
AHC pulled me over and when he came to the window i turned my lights on and he just asked for my license and insurance... if he were nice or reasonable he could have just said 'don't forget to turn your lights on'.
'F' i am so pissed right now...
so 'F'in pissed...
love to all minus AHC,
-g

1st Day...

So, today was my first day as the lowly intern. Interns seem to fall down to that bottom rung on the ladder of residency... back to the bottom yet again, but with some responsibility this time. Not that I can truly complain, today, because it was not a difficuly day... well... it never is difficult to act like a chicken without its head... you just run around flippantly trying to 'get your bearings' on the surroundings as well as how to operate the 'new' computer system.. which is like the vital life-line to the resident. it's a good thing that life-line is so very unfamiliar to me. fumbling with new access codes that could be it's own mini-book... novella if you will... trying to remember which goes with what and what goes with whatnot. a mountain of newness to become accustomed to.
voondebar [i am going for phonetics here]!
well... so i am at a place for less than a week and already have been pointed out as a possible 'trouble maker'... great... fantastic... but let me explain.
so the residency coordinator and chief resident each let me know that the lady from gme [graduate medical education] had called complaining about me during one of the orientation days. apparently during one of the sessions i had a maxim magazine out and was reading through it. although this probably, initially, doesn't look well for me... it is true, and actually explainable. first of all, the issue wan't that good, but it was meant to fill a time. you see, i had taken care of a few things [to be done in orientation] ahead of time... and the lady [perhaps now jokingly] told me to do something else to fill my time. when i saw this space on the schedule i reached for the maxim... and the rest is history. oh, well... time to be a good boy for now as far as that goes. besides... at least i was awake and trying to listen... moren than i can say for half of the attendants there, but unfortunately i don't think that the people in the back analyzing that type of behavior could tell who was sleeping, since i doubt so many complaints were filed.
anywho... after this and such the other interesting of note that i wanted to jot down was the first perscription that i dispenced as a doctor...
april, you will love this...
ketoconazole... yep... tinea for a pt. in clinic today. it felt weird to sign on that, which struck me awkwardly. alas, however the day was relatively responsibility free for me, but i can see how things will pick up. there was only 1 call today and the 4th year took it as it was a ed nothing. or at least nothing could be done anyway. not that it wasn't anything... or worth going... since i wish i would have gone and gotten the experience.
saw some interesting things in clinic... pt. with a brachial plexopathy and extensive lower arm/hand grafting d/t getting his hand caught in a conveyor belt and suffering subsequent burns... a guy with a complex boxer's fx that extended superiorly and became intraarticular... a boy with a bilateral rhizotomy performed for spasticity... a guy with multiply head surgeries s/p leiomyosarcoma removal on his vertex which invaded the parietal bone, where the cancer was removed, bone was cut superiorly and then moved back to help cover the defect and the healthy calvarium was covered with skin graft... what makes this guy's case even more interesting is that he also had a kidney transplant a few years ago and has a pacemaker... talk about complicated. but he looked amazing and his family was wonderful.
anywho... you get the gist. both the 4th yr. and i basically just kind of followed on coat-tails... which is good for the time being as i like to see some of the things that dr. hendrix does [plastic surgeon who did a hand fellow].
well... time to get some reading in... a little anyway... and reflect on what tomorrow will bring.
until then....
i really need to get some pics up... of this lower rung thing.
love to all,
-g

schedule...

well... i have successfully completed atls... yeeeeaaahhh!
the other great thing out of the last two days came on a sheet of paper...in that i wound up getting my schedule for next year. this is a relief to know what i have for the up and coming 12 months. good thing i didn't have anything big to request off for my vacation [which is next may] unlike my compadre... who plans on getting married next spring [good luck james!].
anywho... i just wanted to post the schedule up that i whipped together from the paper that i received so that peeps who wanna know can check it.
love to y'all [let that southern part of me never die],
-g

sorting...

i have had so many thoughts lately... and now... by the time i get to the freedom of the internet to dispell all of them... scattered about this page, i am not left with much time before this coffee shop closes. alas, all i well, however since i just realize that i have nearly 500 pics on my camera that i have not uploaded to my computer and need to sort out and such. there are some really beautiful pics [or at least i think they turned out well] or the plaza and such that i have taken over the past few days. so, the spice of life will have to wait for the time being... [the spice... the worm is the spice... the spice is the worm... i am the spice... the water of life {ok, for those of you that read this and don't get that... you really should see Frank Herbert's 'Dune'... great and classic sci-fi flick!}]...
well, love to all and to all a merry 'sun's not in the sky',
-g

fu...

i just had an interesting experience... so i thought about it and realized the recockulousness of the situation.

every once in a while you may notice that you get a call from a private number. most of the time most people mostly ignore this and mostly move on... mostly. well, i decided, wtf... i might as well answer it since it amy be important or pertaining to something related to residency or what not. who knows?

well, such was not the case.

after a somewhat soft-spoken 'hello' by myself [b/c i am at a coffee shop right now [scooters!] to get some free wi-fi] the person at the other end asked 'is this garry'. since, as far as i know, i am such a 'garry', i said 'yes'. i then had to think about the next words that i was about to hear from this quasi-effeminate voice... 'fuc& you'... and then the click of hanging up.

at first i had to chuckle because it sounded like the most unthreatening 'fuc& you' i have ever heard since the voice sounded weak and barely manish... as if uttered from a semi-mature 6th grader. so how did a 6th grader get my phone number and dial it from a private line? at the same time, why would anyone want to get my number, confirm it is me and then in fact just give me a 'tail between the legs - fuc& you'? this alludes me at this point... but whomever it was, rest assured that he must not have had his testicles drop for one of two reasons... one being his sweet-hyper-adolescent-vagina-esque ['shave' if you will] voice and the other being the fact that he couldn't stick around to i.d. himself... not even falsly. i mean, if you have two testicles to mark you distinction as man, wouldn't you use them to stamp out who you are so the receiver of the 'teddy-bear fuc& you' would know from whom it concerns or what prompted this act of randamdiddlyness?
it seems to me that the phone is the foremost technological method [even besides email... because email has a return address you can find] of getting out of confrontation. which leads me to my belief that this guy's maleness was so far between his legs, from the front he looks like a girl and from the back he has a nubbin of a tail so as to look like he is likely crapping a pice of poop that looks stuck or has some pretty bad hemorrhoids.

well, if this person has the ability to get my number i hope that they get the opportunity to read my blog and put a name to that candyland voice. i, for one, would like to know who says 'fuc& you'. bring it on, i say... give me the rhyme [probably a nursery rhye] or reason....

alas... just thought it was funny... back to atls...

love [even the 'fuc& you' epicene individual],
g